PARENTING 1

As a clinical psychologist it is my privilege to help people explore their inner worlds their psychological terrain Hour after hour, I hear thoughts, emotions, feelings This is my data This data helps me to better understand what is it that emotionally paralyzes us How is it that we may thrive at this thing called life? In voices that are awash with need and ablaze with yearning my clients invite me into their history They tell me stories of love, loss, hidden fears and deepest desires And let me tell you, inevitably these stories turn to childhood They speak of a common theme, a similar rhythm They speak of a hunger that only a parent can appease of a thirst that only a parent can quench The other day this tall strapping man in his mid forties he came to explore his particularly difficult relationship with his father Yes, we grapple with problems of our childhood long into adulthood And he said to me, in a voice that turned plaintive that of an eight-year-old he said, "Will I ever meet my father's expectations? Will he ever accept the man I've become today? Or will I always be a no-good loser?" He was seeking, searching, yearning for an approval that may never come And what about the woman in her thirties so beautiful, talented, successful she screamed, "What is wrong with me? Why am I this messed up? You tell me it's because my father overdosed when I was 4 but when will this pain fade?" And the woman who picks on her skin constantly a lifetime habit, you see She said, "These," pointing to the rageful scars on her body "These began the day after my mom said I was the reason daddy left us" "Help me!", each one of them silently shouts at me "Who am I? Am I whole, am I worthy, do I matter?" Life's essential questions But no matter what I say to them my words do not seep in. Because they've internalized another voice, you see that of their parents, an early voice Now try erasing that first blueprint It runs wild, rampant, chaotic, unpredictable. It comes to be the way we define ourselves It becomes the air we breathe. Parents, few hold a greater power or more immense responsibility And this is why I'm here today to propose that we occupy the role of parenthood