PARENTING 1
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As a clinical psychologist
it is my privilege to help people explore their inner worlds
their psychological terrain
Hour after hour, I hear thoughts, emotions, feelings
This is my data
This data helps me to better understand
what is it that emotionally paralyzes us
How is it that we may thrive at this thing called life?
In voices that are awash with need and ablaze with yearning
my clients invite me into their history
They tell me stories of love, loss, hidden fears and deepest desires
And let me tell you, inevitably these stories turn to childhood
They speak of a common theme, a similar rhythm
They speak of a hunger that only a parent can appease
of a thirst that only a parent can quench
The other day
this tall strapping man in his mid forties
he came to explore
his particularly difficult relationship with his father
Yes, we grapple with problems of our childhood long into adulthood
And he said to me, in a voice that turned plaintive
that of an eight-year-old
he said, "Will I ever meet my father's expectations?
Will he ever accept the man I've become today?
Or will I always be a no-good loser?"
He was seeking, searching, yearning for an approval
that may never come
And what about the woman in her thirties
so beautiful, talented, successful
she screamed, "What is wrong with me?
Why am I this messed up?
You tell me it's because my father overdosed when I was 4
but when will this pain fade?"
And the woman who picks on her skin constantly
a lifetime habit, you see
She said, "These," pointing to the rageful scars on her body
"These began the day after my mom said
I was the reason daddy left us"
"Help me!", each one of them silently shouts at me
"Who am I?
Am I whole, am I worthy, do I matter?"
Life's essential questions
But no matter what I say to them
my words do not seep in.
Because they've internalized another voice, you see
that of their parents, an early voice
Now try erasing that first blueprint
It runs wild, rampant, chaotic, unpredictable.
It comes to be the way we define ourselves
It becomes the air we breathe.
Parents, few hold a greater power or more immense responsibility
And this is why I'm here today
to propose that we occupy the role of parenthood