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Avoiding Control Battles

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Avoiding Control Battles I get a lot of moms that call me and one of their major issues that they have is that they're in control battles with their kids. A lot of times they want to know in the moment what to do. One of the things that I try to help them understand is that we can be proactive and do some things before the situation happens that can help them actually to avoid some of the situations that they find themselves in with their kids. I had an example the other day of a mom who called and she was very upset because her son would not wash his hands after they got finished with one of their meals. This is something that they've done for his whole life. He's four years old, and it's just something he wouldn't want. He refused to do it. He ran off and threw a giant fit and she just was baffled as to why he wouldn't wash his hands. That's one of those times that I talked to her about being proactive and that there were some things she could do, not in the moment, but before it ever happens, to try to help him avoid that situation, In that situation, we talked about a time when he's calm, not around the dinner table when he's getting ready to have to wash his hands but to talk to him about it and say, "You know buddy, whenever you are going to wash your hands after we eat, I'm going to give you some choices and you can either let mom help you or your can wash your hands by yourself. We can go to the sink and wash our hands or we can use a wet wipe to wash your hands." Give him some choices and allow him to make those choices ahead of time before you get in the situation. That mom explained to me that not long after that, they went to the mall and they were having lunch. Just before he was getting ready to have to wash his hands, she said to him, "In a couple of minutes when you're finished, we're going to wash your hands." This is a great transition, letting him know what's coming, and then she said, "Now the other day when we talked about this, you told mom that you wanted to wash your hands with a wet wipe. Is that still what you want to do?" and he said "Yes I do." And she said, "Okay". And when it came time to wash his hands she gave him the wet wipe. He wiped his hands and it was much better than before. A lot of times we just have to learn that we have to be proactive. We have to talk to our kids about these things ahead of time so that we can avoid those control battles. Now you can't always avoid them so there are other strategies that we can use when those control battles happen, but at least we can in many situations avoid them. The thing that's important when you are being proactive though, is that you have to remember it takes time. It takes intentionality. You have to think about these things ahead of time. A lot of times when our kids are escalated in the moment, those aren't times that they can make really good choices We've got to be talking to them before it happens. And so being intentional and being proactive before the situation occurs can really avoid a lot of control battles with your kids.

Video Details

Duration: 2 minutes and 56 seconds
Language: English
License: Dotsub - Standard License
Genre: None
Views: 1
Posted by: jenfridley on Feb 26, 2018

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