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Case Study: Marcus-- My Suicide -Vlogs from AFTER LIFE

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Desteni Presents: Vlogs from the Afterlife: Marcus Hi there, my name is Marcus and I' to...and I'm doing a video vlog. I the moment...I'm here. (laughs) Wanted to do this whole introduction, you know the 'My name is Marcus.. I'm an interdimensional being'..etc..but..plain and simple..I am Marcus.. and I'm here doing a video vlog... about my experience...don't exactly know... My, let's talk about, well not Let's talk about..let us. let 'me'..i: me. I'll share my experience with...about..death..with death, actually... because I had..quite an, interesting surprise when..'I died', and..(sigh) You know, I killed myself, in this world, or I removed myself from this world, because... I life to end. I didn't want to live anymore, and..there was a myriad of excuses, and reasons, and.. you know, why? life was just..plain and simply, 'fucked up'. Like completely entirely I just couldn't take it anymore. I just had enough. so... My only option at the time, well, I believed my only option at the time, was to... remove myself from this world, and so I did. Until I came into the interdimensional existence and..that I did not expect.. know, when you are in this world, shit, most people in this world... believe, you know, when you die it all stops, or it all ends, or..god knows what other beliefs... there are of the "afterlife". I just believed that I would, it would end, I would stop... I just didn't give a fuck anymore, about anyone or anything, let own life. (laughs) know, I really 'had' this..perception or idea of, you know.. when i..remove myself from this world, that it'll all stop! that it'll all end! you know.. I won't have to deal with this shit anymore. or my..fucked up experience.. because of my life, because of my situation that I had in my world. And, when I got into the interdimensional existence I realized that... I actually removed myself for no any way whatsoever. My mind, yes, made up vast amount of excuses, reasons, justifications... why I should kill myself or remove myself from this world but, that was all in my mind. If my mind didn't exist, I would, I would've still probably, no, no, not even probably, I would've continued to live... I would not have even considered to remove myself from this world. The mind can 'really' fuck with you. I mean, I can't believe it, I mean, I killed myself because my mind fucked with me. My mind fucked with me! That's why I removed myself from this world.. that's why I killed myself, that's why I took my own life.. because my own..mind..fucked with me. I was like: Aaah! I was like literally going: Aaah! I was 'so' angry..I fucking angry at myself! Like really..I was pissed off! I was 'beyond' pissed off..I was..shit!..I just wanted to go back, you know, and I tried to reintegrate into my human physical body..but a..a bullet in the head.. yeah..and I didn't know how to heal my human physical body, so I couldn't go back.. and I really wanted to because like in one quantum moment I realized what I did. I..fuck!..I mean's just your mind! and your mind is a system, and I listened to the god-damn thing!..and that's 'why' I removed myself! You know, it wasn't about my 'situation' wasn't even about my 'life'.. if this 'thing' in my mind was not there, I would've walked thru the situation, in absolute clarity.. I could even see how I was actually able to direct me, my situation, my life experience, my world, without having to remove myself. And that's like what every single one that have currently or..have removed themselves.. deliberately from this world have experienced, it's the it's not worth killing yourself, in any way whatsoever..nope..why? I removed myself.. from a certain specific situation because I allowed myself to in my mind justify..excuse..the reasons why I removed myself and killed myself.. from this world..and..I'm.. In the interdimensional existence the experience.. is no different..because it is about me..about who I experience.. it had nothing to do with my situation, it had nothing to do with the experience of me.. it had nothing to do with my world, it had nothing to do with my life, it was all about 'me'.. and I fucked up 'me'..extensively..completely entirely because I removed myself. I mean.. that was fucking stupid, that was really stupid..really stupid..because.. we don't take into consideration that it's actually about ourselves.. and we place ourselves in such situations or experiences to see 'who am I?' in this situation. well, I basically removed myself and killed myself so that doesn't say much about me.. you know, 'who I am'..and in the interdimensional existence.. my experience is no different, I can't kill myself again, and I can't remove myself, and not that I will again. because it is insane! it is so unnecessarily stupid because if you remove yourself from this world, or kill yourself.. to avoid a certain situation or will.. have to go through that experience again, times ten! and in the dimensions it is extensive, the experience, it is..really vast.. (breathes out) yeah..I wanted to bash myself against the wall saying 'you stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid..ass' (laughs) I was really angry, is was done..cannot exist in judgment.. otherwise, I'll have to go through that again, to not judge myself afterwards. (laughs) fuck.. so..I accepted and allowed that experience.. walked through I'm in the interdimensional existence.. and now I'm responsible for me, and not accepting and allowing myself to.. do that to myself again. alright, thank you very much..this is Marcus.

Video Details

Duration: 9 minutes
Country: South Africa
Language: English
Producer: Desteni Production
Views: 213
Posted by: desteniteam1 on Aug 9, 2009


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