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Hilarious SWA Flight attendant- In Mid Life Crisis MUST meet Ellen and Jimmy Fallon

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If I could pretend to have your attention for just a few moments- My ex-husband, my new boyfriend, and their divorced attorney are going to show you the safety features of Boeing 737-800 Series. [Passengers Laughing] It's been a long day for me. To properly fasten your seatbelt, slide the flight into the buckle. To release, lift up on the buckle. Position your seatbelt TIGHT and low across your hips, like my grandmother wears her support bra. [Passengers Laughing] If you get mad and you want to take your tour alone -- there's 8 ways to get there. Two forward exit doors, two over wing window exits, two rows exit doors, signs overhead. Disco lights on the floor lead to each exit. Everybody gets a door prize. In the seat back pocket in front of you. Along with dirty diapers, chewing gum wrappers, banana peels, and all the other gifts you leave for us from time to time - is a safety information card. Take it out, check it out. You'll notice in the HIGHLY unlikely event that the captain lands us near a hot tub, everybody gets their very own teeny-weeny, yellow Southwest bikini. [Passengers laughing loudly] One size fits all. Take it out only if told to do so. Place it over your head, wrap that strap around your waist, buckle it in front, and pull it tightly. Once outside, pull down on the red tab to inflate. To manually inflate, blow into the tube at your shoulder. Flight attendants are coming by hoping that you'll tell them how good looking they are. They're going to make sure that your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright and- [Passengers Cheering, Cat Calling] and absolute most uncomfortable position possible; and your carry on items are crammed and shoved completely under the seat in front of you, leaving absolutely no room for your knees or feet. As you know, it's a no smoking, no whining, no complaining flight. [Customers Laughing Loudly] It's a please and thank you and a "you are such a good lookin' flight attendant" flight. Smoking is never allowed on board at Southwest, if you're caught smoking in the lavatory, the fine for that's $2,000. And if you wanted to pay that for your airfare, you should have flown somebody else. [Passengers Laughing] If we do make you that nervous in the next hour and a half, you're more than welcome to step outside. We don't discriminate at Southwest, we have a special smoking section just for you. We'll even show you a movie tonight. We have ..."Up in the Air." And the flight attendants serving you - her name is Wendy. And her motto is, "If you can light it, you can smoke it." Federal law prohibits tampering with, disabling, or destroying any smoke detector or webcam in any of our lavatories. Federal aviation regulation require passenger compliance with the lighted passenger information signs and posted placards. Basically... just do what we say and nobody gets hurt. [Passengers Laughing] And although we never anticipate a loss in cabin pressure, if we did, we certainly wouldn't be at work tonight. But if needed, four oxygen masks will drop from the compartment overhead. Stop screaming, let go of your neighbor, pull on that plastic tubing until it is fully extended, place the mask over your nose and mouth and breathe normally. To activate the flow of oxygen, simply insert 75 cents for the first minute. [Passengers Laughing Loudly] ...Although that plastic bag make not inflate, you are receiving lots and lots of "gin." [Passengers Laughing Loudly] Oxy "gin" that is. And if you're traveling with small children, we're sorry. [Passengers Laughing Loudly] If you're traveling with more than one child, pick out the one you think might have the most earning potential down the road. And if you're traveling with somebody needing VERY special assistance, like your husband, bless his heart- or your wife, put on your mask first. That's it for the news that goes and show and tell. Sit back and relax, or you can sit up and be tense, either way. [Passengers Laughing Loudly] It's about an hour and a half flight, gate to gate, the clock's already ticking. Seriously, if there's anything at all we can do to make your flight more enjoyable, please tell us... just as soon as we land in Salt Lake City. [Passengers Laughing] And if there's anything you can do to make our flight more enjoyable, we'll tell you immediately. We're not shy at Southwest. That's what we call very cheap entertainment. Nobody had to pay extra, but you certainly don't get a refund. That's - thank you for choosing Southwest. Welcome aboard. [Passengers Whistle, Cheer, and Clap Loudly]

Video Details

Duration: 3 minutes and 5 seconds
Country: United States
Language: English
Producer: Marty SWA flight attendant
Director: Marty SWA flight attendant
Views: 218
Posted by: rakosnicek on May 30, 2014

When you happen to flight with SouthWest Airlines...

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