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ACLU: Ordering Pizza

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(Pizza Plalace - Incoming call - detecting phone number...) [Phone rings] (Detecting National ID)

[Operator:] Pizza Palace. Guaranteed Hot in Thirty Minutes or it’s free. This is Mary. May I take your order? (Loading record...)

[Customer] Hi Mary. Yes, I'd like to order.

[Operator - Q based on screen info: same afterwards] Is this Mr. Kelly?

[Customer] Er ... yes.

[Operator] Thank you for calling again sir. I show your National Identification Number as 6102049998-45-54610. Is that correct?

[Customer] Er... yes.

[Operator] Thank you, Mr. Kelly. I see you live at 736 Montrose Court, but you’re calling from your cell phone. Are you at home?

[Customer] I’m just leaving work, but I’m —

[Operator] Oh, we can deliver to Bob’s Auto Supply. That’s at 175 Lincoln Avenue, yes?

[Customer] No! I’m on my way home. How do you know all this stuff?

[Operator] We just got wired into the system, sir.

[Customer] (Sighs) Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your Double-Meat Special pizzas...

[Operator] Sure thing. There will be a new $20.00 charge for those, sir.

[Customer] Whaddya mean?

[Operator] Sir, the system shows me that your medical records indicate that you have high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Luckily, we have a new agreement with your National Health Care provider that allows us to sell you double meat pies as long as you agree to waive all future claims of liability.

[Customer] What? [Operator] Do you agree, sir? You can sign the form when we deliver. But there is a charge for processing. The total is $67.00 even.

[Customer] $67.00!!!

[Operator] That includes the delivery surcharge of $15.00 to cover the added risk to our driver of traveling through an orange zone.

[Customer] I live in an orange zone?

[Operator] Now you do. Looks like there was another robbery on Montrose yesterday. Hmm ... you could save $48.00 if you ordered our special Sprout Submarine combo and picked it up yourself. Comes with Tofu sticks. Those are very tasty, Sir. Good value too.

[Customer] But I want Double Meat!

[Operator] Well, I’m sure you can afford the $67, then. You just bought those tickets to Hawaii. They weren’t cheap, eh? Oh, but I see you checked out “The Budget Beach Bum” at the library last week. Hmmm. Up to you sir.

[Customer] All right, all right... I’ll get the Sprout Subs. [Operator] Good choice sir. Gotta watch that waist if your hitting the beach, eh? 42 inches. Wow. Man, I’d say tofu and sprouts is, like... required!”

[Customer - sputters] That’s how much? [Operator] Just between you and me, there’s a $3.00 off coupon in this month’s Total Men’s Fitness Magazine. Your wife Betty subscribes to that, right? (pause)

Anyhow, clip that and it’s $19.99 even. Whoa, looks like your maxed out on all your credit cards. Bring cash, ok?

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Video Details

Duration: 2 minutes and 11 seconds
Country: United States
Language: English
License: Dotsub - Standard License
Producer: ACLU
Views: 741
Posted by: calmansi on Mar 2, 2013

the ACLU s version of ordering a pizza in the future.
scary !
See and

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