The Workshop Short Film

[music] [Tub Puncher Productions] ["The Workshop"] [music] >> Bro, who was the lady with the furry critter? >> I don't know. I mean, she wasn't sitting in the front row, so she couldn't have been family, right? >> I have no clue, but I'll tell you what, I kind of expected, what, more people here than eight humans, one dead and... >> A porcupine? I mean, like, what was that? [music] [BRUCE & VINCENT] >> This sucks. I mean, what a way to go. I mean, one minute you're chomping on a hamburger, the next day, you're dead meat. I'm hungry. >> You know something? Seamus was the only acting coach around. He helped me land that national, the Cluckin' Bell commercial where I played a chicken. You want to grab a taco? >> Definitely. Bro, check this out. Learn the L.A. acting technique at a new South Florida location. 24,000 square feet. What? Director Liberty has 175 years of acting, directing, and producing experience? 175? >> This could be the game-changer, bro. >>Yeah, we'll see. Hopefully their coaching is better than their arithmetic. I think Liberty's math skills might be a "over-liberated." >> Director Liberty's an actress. What'd she need math skills for anyway? Let's grab some grub and check it out. [music] >> WOMAN: We need to talk. [bell ringing] You and I have been together for quite some time. But I just can't be tied down right now. The thought of being in a committed relationship is traumatic at a time like this. As you know, the building in which my business is housed has been condemned. On top of that, just look at you. So desperate and clingy. Hello? Are you even listening to me? Fortunately, we have a backup location. It's where we met this morning. [music] >> Bro, we used to bowl here as kids. And didn't you sell a catnip to some kid in the bathroom and pass it off as pods? >> Oh yeah. Oh, what was his name? He had like, a cat name, Garfield. Heathcliff. >> That's it. >> So... so Liberty teaches acting out of bowling alley? >> Brucie, my boy, Liberty teaches acting while working at a storage facility that was once a bowling alley. >> Oh, shit. Is that... Isn't that the crazy porcupine lady that was at Seamus's funeral? >> No. >> You think that's... >> No. [piano sound] >> I think I smell Patchouli oil. >> No, an oil. >> Sage? >> Sage. >> Negativity that invades my secret place. I banish you away with the light of my grace. You have no hold or power here, for I stand before you with no fear. Begone forever, for this I will say, this is my secret place, and you will obey. Hello, Workshoppers. Fetch the feline's belongings. These subjects are here to give it a new home. >> MAN: As you wish, Director. Excuse me, gentlemen. >> Um, I'm Vincent, and this is Bruce. We saw your website, and are interested in acting lessons. >> It's a pleasure to meet you. >> I would like to talk to each of you individually. You, Barry. >> Bruce. >> Fetch two chairs. Let's speak alone. >> Okay. >> And fetch my phone as well. Why have you seeked me out, Brian? >> Wait, who's Brian? I'm Barry... I mean, I'm Bruce. Weren't you at Seamus's funeral? >> Indeed, I was at Seamus's funeral services. >> Services? Don't you mean service? >> Barry, dear, I am a professionally trained Shakespearean actress. I mean, every word I say, and I deliver it with timed perfection. By the way, Barry, as the Director, I will ask the questions until you learn how to articulate questions appropriately. Furthermore, Seamus died more than once. >> You're kidding, right? What happened? >> That in breach of bodies is for another season. >> Right. Well, we were students of Seamus's, and I wanted to continue learning the craft. You know, hone my acting skills. [phone rings] >> Ah, hello, Van. Yes, darling. Everything is spectacular, thank you. Yes, by the way, these subjects are not here to pick up the feline. Oh. Yes. He certainly does know his way around me. Oh. Aha. [laughing] Yes, well, really so rare nowadays. Oh. Oh, I do have another call coming in. I'll talk to you soon. Ta-ta. Well, Barry, please retrieve Vincent. Your interview has commenced. You were the one I was most concerned with. Your order gives off humorous. [music] >> How long have you worked here? >> Few hours. >> Well, that was interesting. You're next, Victor. >> Now who the hell's Victor? >> Anyway, this is Juan. He works here. >> John here. >> And this is his buddy, Cliff. I'll see you guys in a few. I'm going to go chill with Liberty. >> Okay. So, what do you do, Juan? >> You could say I'm in the biz myself. I'm a writer, director, and part-time dancer. >> Cliff, where do I know you from? You look so frickin' familiar. >> You got a TV set? Probably that. I shot a pillow infomercial a while back. I got a Hep C commercial that's been going around. Where the hell is the bathroom? Oh, never mind, I see it. Hey, save me a seat in here, brother man. >> You got it. >> Let's split up. >> Anyway, so, you're going to be working with Director Liberty? Pretty coincidental, she sets up shop where you work, huh? I see great things in your future, Juan. >> "Pretty coincidental." I've already spoken to her. I'm showing her my set tomorrow at noon. >> Later, Juan. >> It's John. [music] [phone ringing] >> BRUCE: Be right back. Got to see a man about a horse. [music] >> Nice place. >> Hey, Cliff. >> Why wouldn't you just use the bigger stuff? Oh, no, I get it. You want to seem less conspicuous. >> Yes. You got beans? [indiscernible]. >> Yeah, but I'm only doing this because I have to, brother man. [music] >> How are you doing? >> Damn skippy, bro. [music] >> Well, that should get that furry critter up and running. >> Excellent. Please, just set up the workshop. >> Sure, Director. What's up, buddy? You're just in time. Director Liberty wants to the funeral place with us. >> Cut back your talking. It will not be tolerated. >> Do you know who that is? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Don't you realize? It's Eagle. >> Zip it, Bruce. As I'm sure you've done your research, then you're aware that at one point I maintained residence in Los Angeles for numerous years. It is there that I maintained status as an actor, director, producer, director's assistant, production assistant, casting manager, casting agent, gaffer, dolly grip, best boy, boom operator, set designer, prop master... just to name a few. I offer you a century of experience within the craft. Are you ready to have Director Liberty align your stars? >> Yes, Sir. >> Fabulous. I'll expect each of you to have a monologue prepared tomorrow at noon. Be off book, and prepared emotionally to receive feedback. We will also begin your training with privates. Privates are defined as our one-on-one time, where you are the actor and I am the director. Think of me as your guiding light. Clifford, our privates will align tomorrow. We will manipulate your privates at 6 am Pacific Central Time. So many questions without answers, and answers without questions. Up, up, stand. Let's do a light breathing exercise before our binding energies depart for a brief gestation. Barry, please, approach your Director. >> You're Barry, remember? >> I know, Vince. >> Face the class. Excellent. Now we're going to breathe in and out. Breathe in and out, using the diaphragm. And hua! >> Hua! >> Take your humorous, Bruce. >> Bruce, pay attention. Stop flirting with Vincent. Now breathe in and out, blow all the breath. Imagine what it's like to breathe. Picture in your mind's eye a blue light coming from all the way the top of your head down deep, deep into your genitals, and push! >> Are you good? I think Director Liberty made you her bitch. >> A former student of mine, Stacey, once performed just 30 minutes after her tonsillectomy. Class dismissed. Please return the chairs to their appropriate locations, and be back for tomorrow by noon 30. Clifford, I'll see you at 6 am. [music] [singing] [music] Clifford, you're tardy. Early is on time, on time is late, and late is inexcusably unacceptable. >> Yeah, I had car trouble. I didn't get into it till about 20 minutes ago. >> Well, time waits for no man. What have you... Remove your sunglasses. And your jacket. >> Jacket stays on, sweetheart. >> It's Director Liberty, Clifford. >> Director Liberty, sweetheart. >> What have you prepared for me today? >> It's a monologue. It's already perfected, but I actually do it better than the guy who wrote the monologue, so it's... >> Okay, good. Take your mark on my stage, please. And begin. >> Manhood, it's a job. Done right, it's a tiring job. And a woman has a lot to do... >> Okay, that's enough. Thank you. Excellent. So, yeah, seeing as how you're so handy with cars, I was wondering if you would be so kind as to help me with my vehicle. It's parked out front. >> I'm going to finish the monologue, it's more than two lines. >> You know, I feel like you're not taking this class seriously. You need to fix that, take measures to receive the light from this workshop. I'm not sure if you're aware, Clifford, as a new student, but it is imperative that all of my students have no outside distractions if they want to further their acting career. Would you happen to have any outside distractions that you need to take care of? >> Yeah, no problem, but my... >> I'll give you your space. [music] >> Hey, Tiffany, Clifford. Yes. Hey, I... Yeah, 6 am. I just wanted to tell you we're no longer dating anymore. I've got to move on with my life, my career, and you're involved with that, unfortunately. I know. Why are you crying? All right, do me a favor, say goodbye to the kids for me. Yeah, I'm not their real dad, so they'll understand quickly. Okay, bye. [music] Hey, Maria. Yeah, it's Cliff. Yeah, we're breaking up. Sorry about that. Shit happens. Take care. [music] Just got to text my last one. Wasn't that stable, I just want to do that... >> Excellent. Okay, well then now that you're ready to receive the light from my workshop, we no longer have time for your monologue. However, I do require some assistance with my vehicle. I'm having some engine trouble. Come along. I said, come along. [music] Please come. [door closes] Come now, let's go. [music] >> Hey, what up, boys? >> Bro, really? Where are your pants? >> And your bowling shoes. >> Liberty said being liberated from pants help me be in the moment for my scene. I guess I'm portraying a private in the army. And, dude, I got to get going. I got to be on scene soon. So, tonight in this indie film, I'm getting lit on fire and stomped out with a rake, doing my own stunts. >> Hey, so did Lady Liberty salute the flagpole, private? [music] >> So what monologue did you choose? >> You'll see. Planning on incorporating some of my new larger than life moves. You know, have some fun with it. >> Yeah, nice. I'll probably work on what Seamus and I were working on. Well, break a leg, Bruce Lee. >> Although as a name, I'm going to present you with my own monologue, thank you, Director Liberty, for discovering I wasn't held enough as a child, and I lacked the ability to feel a room. I apologize to you and your spirits. >> Ben, please, gather up Jim's belongings, and make sure he gets to his car safely. Remember, students, this is a safe place. And safety and respect are always present within these four sacred walls. >> Remember, Jim, the past is a place of reference, not a place of residence. >> MAN: See you later, monkey. >> All right. Settled? Now, Juan, please take your mark on my stage. Juan will be attempting to make me laugh today, provide some comic relief, if you will? Now, this is Juan's first time. So, Juan, I will be providing feedback for you today on this set. As your Director, this is my job. It is my destiny. The question is, Juan, what is your destiny? Would you like to have feedback in Spanish, Espanol, hmm? >> I prefer English because it's John, not Juan. Niamo John, not Juan. Anyway, I'm going to tell you guys a couple of jokes. When I was a kid, I thought I worshiped Satan, but I just liked the taste of goat's blood. A little hot up here. This thing on? My dad died when I was a kid. It was hard on all of us, but it was really hard on my dad. I don't know why they call it, "taking a shit," because I spend way more time wiping my ass. >> Juan, tu bragueta está abierta. >> Oh, God. [zip sound] I have one last... One last. Forget it! >> So much tension. Juan really shouldn't allow his machismo to get in the way of his performance. I pride myself on understanding people. This is a safe place, students, and you will give and give respect. This is the perfect time for some stretching and light refreshment. Everyone up, up, stand, remove your shoes. Up. Stand. [music] Spread out. Now, take a nice deep breath in. Follow my lead. Breathe in through the nose, up through the mouth, reach for the sky, exhale, spread your legs, and we're going to go ahead and put your hands on the floor. Go and touch your fingers to the floor. If you can, go and even touch your palms to the floor. And if you can, now go ahead and place your elbows on the floor. [music] >> Good job, Juan. Did you write your own jokes, man? >> Yeah, man. But I'm not sure if I did well, because the only thing she told me was my fly was down in fucking Spanish. >> Well, I'm going up next. It's going to be huge. >> Good luck, bro. >> Good job, John. I mean, Juan. See you guys inside. >> Really? What the fuck is going on here? [music] [music] >> Vincent, approach your Director. My phone seems to be inoperable. Help me retrieve my emails. >> Director Liberty, I don't think this phone has those capabilities. >> Oh, nonsense. Take it home and prepare the device. >> Okay. >> Bruce, why are you on my stage? [walking sound] Be seated. [walking sound] Class, nobody should ever take the stage without the Director's approval. Nobody should ever do anything without being first instructed by the Director. I demand respect. I've earned this respect by being in this industry for as long as I have. I have performed on the most prestigious stages, from New York to London, to Topeka, Kansas. [music] Now this seems like the perfect time to address obedience. Students, repeat after me... Obedience and submission to the Director are the keys to an actor's success. >> Obedience and submission to the Director are the keys to an actor's success. >> Without obedience, there is chaos. >> Without obedience, there is chaos. >> Rebels fail as actors. Cattles thrive. >> Rebels fail as actors. Cattles thrive. >> Now, Vincent, please, take my stage. [music] >> So I was talking to Blackburn the other day, and he asked me... >> Are you chewing gum? Get rid of your gum immediately and begin again. And remove your shirt as well. I see you shirtless during this rendition. [music] >> So I was talking to Blackburn the other day... >> Oh, beautiful Sam. How long has it been? Eight, ten years? >>Oh, I missed you immensely, Director. It's so great to see you. Gladys. >> I'm in town from Los Angeles. >> This is Samantha. She is what is known as a triple threat. That means she can sing, dance, and act, unlike your Director, who is a six talent. I sing, dance, act, I'm young, beautiful, and I teach acting classes very, very well. Oh, Samantha, please do address the class. >> Well, Liberty has changed my life. I'm born again from her guidance. I started receiving her guiding light about 8 or 10 months ago, and, oh my God, she is just... A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. She's fabulous. [applause] >> Ben, that's a wrap. Please, join us for some L.A. education and Tofurky. >> I would be delighted. Nothing would thrill me more than to spend the rest of my day with the nonuple duo. >> Grab my belongings. Let's go. [music] >> You ready, brother man, to kick the door in with your monologue today? >> Man, of course, I'm ready. >> Liberty sure is interesting, though. Very eccentric? >> Yeah. See, the best actors are eccentric, right? It's useful to elicit a great performance. Think mad enthusiastic. Like you and Leroy, I mean, Jim. [music] >> I must relay an incident that occurred recently during a private. A now former student of mine displayed extreme arrogance by exploring other acting coaches, a.k.a. "studios," to expand his learning of the craft. Unacceptable at this juncture. Samantha and Ben are perfect examples of consistent workshop training. It will take most of you 8 to 10 years to become fabulous actors. Some of you may have to quit your jobs. Some of you may have to divorce your wives, or leave all your women behind to receive the light from my workshop. So, follow my guidance. Don't ask questions, and do as I direct. All of you are infants at this stage. And, as we know, infants don't ask questions. All right. Bruce, take your mark on my stage. Whoa. There is no running here. That is disrespectful and outright rude. Now take your seat. Fine. Now, Barry, take my main stage. >> Pay attention to the names. >> And... begin. >> My name is Rex. And, if you stay in my every program, you'll learn the system of defense that I've developed over two seasons in the Octagon. It's called Rex Squan... And then, I... In addition to what you've just seen, if you study my eight-week program, you will learn this step. [applause] [music] >> Liberty! Shit, man! [music] >> You had to do one final kick, didn't you, Bruce Lee? >> But it wasn't my... >> Check your humorous, bro. [music]