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Annotated captions of George Carlin - Saving the Planet in English

Last Modified By Time Content
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You have got people like this around you. Countries are full of them now.

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People walking around all day long very minute of the day.

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Worried about everything.

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Worried about the air, worried about the water, worried about the soil

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Worried about insecticides, pesticides food aditives, carcinogens

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Worried abour radon and gas, worried about asbestos

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Worried about saving engangered species

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Let me tell you about engangered species, allright

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Saving engangered species is just one more arrogant attempt by humas to control nature

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It is arrogant medling

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It is what got is what got is in trabble in the first place

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Doesn't anybody understand that?

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Interfeering with nature

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Over 90% way over 90% of all the species that have ever lived on this planet are gone

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They are extinct

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We didn't kill them all

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They just disapeared

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That is what nature does

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The disapeare these days at the rate of 25 a day

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And I mean regardless of our behaviour

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Irespective of how we act on this planet

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25 species that were here today will be gone tomorow

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Let them go gracefully

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Leave nature alone

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Haven't we done enought?

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We are so selfimportant

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So selfimportant

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Everybody is gonna save something now

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Save the trees

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Save the bees

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Save the whales

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Save those snails

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And the greatest arrogance of all:

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Save the planet

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What? Are these fucking people kidding me?

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Save the planet?

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We don’t even know how to take care of ourselves yet.

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We haven’t learned how to care for one another, we’re gonna save the fucking planet?

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I’m getting tired of that shit. Tired of that shit.

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I’m tired of fucking Earth Day,

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I’m tired of these self-righteous environmentalists,

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these white, bourgeois liberals who think the only thing wrong with this country is there aren’t enough bicycle paths.

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People trying to make the world save for their Volvos.

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Besides, environmentalists don’t give a shit about the planet.

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They don’t care about the planet.

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Not in the abstract they don’t.

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Not in the abstract they don’t.

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You know what they’re interested in?

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A clean place to live.

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Their own habitat.

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They’re worried that some day in the future, they might be personally inconvenienced.

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Narrow, unenlightened self-interest doesn’t impress me.

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Besides, there is nothing wrong with the planet.

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Nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine.

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The PEOPLE are fucked.

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Difference. Difference.

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The planet is fine.

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Compared to the people, the planet is doing great.

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Been here four and a half billion years.

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Did you ever think about the arithmetic?

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The planet has been here four and a half billion years.

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We’ve been here, what, a hundred thousand?

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Maybe two hundred thousand?

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And we’ve only been engaged in heavy industry for a little over two hundred years.

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Two hundred years versus four and a half billion.

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And we have the CONCEIT to think that somehow we’re a threat?

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That somehow we’re gonna put in jeopardy this beautiful little blue-green ball that’s just a-floatin’ around the sun?

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The planet has been through a lot worse than us.

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Been through all kinds of things worse than us.

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Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift,

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solar flares, sun spots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles

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hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids and meteors,

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worlwide floods, tidal waves, worldwide fires, erosion, cosmic rays,

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recurring ice ages…

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And we think some plastic bags,

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and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference?

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The planet…the planet…

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the planet isn’t going anywhere. WE ARE!

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We’re going away.

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Pack your shit, folks.

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We’re going away.

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And we won’t leave much of a trace, either.

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Thank God for that.

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Maybe a little styrofoam. Maybe.

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A little styrofoam.

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The planet’ll be here and we’ll be long gone.

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Just another failed mutation.

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Just another closed-end biological mistake.

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An evolutionary cul-de-sac.

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The planet’ll shake us off like a bad case of fleas.

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A surface nuisance.

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You wanna know how the planet’s doing?

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Ask those people at Pompeii, who are frozen into position

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from volcanic ash, how the planet’s doing.

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You wanna know if the planet’s all right, ask those people in Mexico City or Armenia

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or a hundred other places buried under thousands of tons of earthquake rubble

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if they feel like a threat to the planet this week.

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Or how about those people in Kilowaia, Hawaii, who built their homes right next to an active volcano, .

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and then wonder why they have lava in the living room

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The planet will be here for a long, long, LONG time after we’re gone,

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and it will heal itself, it will cleanse itself, ’cause that’s what it does.

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It’s a self-correcting system.

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The air and the water will recover, the earth will be renewed,

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and if it’s true that plastic is not degradable,

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well, the planet will simply incorporate plastic into a new pardigm:

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the earth plus plastic.

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The earth doesn’t share our prejudice towards plastic.

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Plastic came out of the earth.

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The earth probably sees plastic as just another one of its children.

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Could be the only reason the earth allowed us to be spawned from it in the first place.

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It wanted plastic for itself.

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Didn’t know how to make it.

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Needed us.

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Could be the answer to our age-old philosophical question, “Why are we here?”

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Plastic…assholes.

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So, the plastic is here, our job is done, we can be phased out now.

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And I think that’s started already. Don’t you?

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I mean, to be fair, the planet sees us as a mild threat.

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Something to be dealt with.

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And the planet can defend itself in an matter like a large organism

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like a beehive or an ant colony can. A collective defense mechanism.

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I am sure the planet will think of something.

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What would you do if you were the planet? Trying to defend yourself against this troublesome, pesky species?

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Let’s see… Viruses.

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Viruses might be good.

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They seem vulnerable to viruses.

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And, uh…viruses are tricky, always mutating

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and forming new strains whenever a vaccine is developed.

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Perhaps, this first virus could be one that compromises the immune system of these creatures.

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Perhaps a human immunodeficiency virus, making them vulnerable to all sorts of other diseases and infections that might come along.

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And maybe it could be spread sexually,

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making them a little reluctant to engage in the act of reproduction.

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Well, that’s a poetic note. And it’s a start.

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And I can dream, can’t I?

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See I don’t worry about the little things: bees, trees, whales, snails.

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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom than we will ever understand.

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A higher order. Call it what you want.

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Know what I call it?

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The Big Electron. The Big Electron…

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whoooa. Whoooa. Whoooa.

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It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all.

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It just is. And so are we. For a little while.

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Thanks for being with me for a little while tonight

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