Some people have a way of getting right up your nose, don't they?

One such person is Mr Anjem Choudary, a British born Islamist

with a very big mouth and some very harsh opinions

about how people should be allowed to live their lives.

And he's been popping up quite a lot in the media recently

with his pompous little voice and his bushy little face,

so stern, so righteous,

telling us all what a corrupt society this is,

while fully enjoying all its benefits.

His latest pronouncement is that gay people should be stoned to death.

Yes, he's a real charmer.

I don't know if he's going to be prosecuted for hate speech for saying this,

you know, the way a non-Muslim would be,

or if the police think upholding the law might cause offence

and harm community cohesion.

You'll have to ask them that, if you can find them.

Meanwhile, he wants beer drinkers like me publicly flogged.

Ouch! Now it gets personal.

He wants women forced to dress like nuns,

and he wants to see the flag of Allah flying over Downing Street.

With such aggressive opinions a man is bound to have some inner tension.

Maybe he needs to relax with a few pints of cider and a couple of spliffs.

You know, like in the old days.

We found out recently that before he became an Islamist dickhead

this man was quite the party animal.

Alcohol, cannabis, casual sex, pornography;

you name it and he sucked it in and blew it out in bubbles, by all accounts.

They say there's nothing quite as bad as the enthusiastic convert,

although I have to say it's a shame he's not quite devout enough in his new beliefs

to have himself retrospectively stoned to death for that behaviour

and do us all a huge favour.

It's fair to say that this man is not well liked in Britain.

Although he was born here, if the government were to put him on a plane anyway

and dump him in the middle of the desert where he rightly belongs

I bet somebody orbiting in a spacecraft would be able to hear

the spontaneous applause emanating from this tiny island,

because born here or not, he's about as welcome in this country

as a fly is in a kitchen, and he serves the same purpose -

a poison-spreading nuisance who makes people sick.

I know a lot of Muslims are embarrassed by this guy.

They cringe when they see his name in the media

because they know their faith is about to be portrayed yet again

as a religion of fruitcakes and sadists.

But they don't have to worry about that

because everybody knows he's an extremist nutcase.

Every time he opens his mouth he proves that calling him

pig ignorant is actually an insult to pigs.

He's a walking parody, a laughing stock,

a ludicrous cartoon character who speaks for nobody but himself

and his own pathetic little coterie of insane medieval pinheads.

And ironically this is what makes him a unifying influence,

which of course is that last thing that he wants to be,

because whatever we believe or don't believe,

we can all laugh at this idiot together

in a wonderful example of actual community cohesion.

You see, there's a first time for everything.

As for the flag of Allah flying over Downing Street,

my hunch is that the British flag will still be flying there

long after Mr Choudary and his fuzzy-faced friends

have come to their senses, had a shave,

and are back on the cider and the spliffs.

Peace.