Transcript for United States of Jesus

Hi everyone. I've had quite a lot of e-mails and comments about my videos so far,

mostly very positive and supportive, so thank you to everybody for that.

Predictably, some people have been less than friendly. Some have told me they hope I die a horrible death.

I've been threatened with all kinds of violent retribution, and I've been called some pretty inventively disgusting names,

because of course the human imagination is very fertile, as we know from reading the scriptures.

One guy was particularly preoccupied with anuses and "boners" for some reason.

I think he had a thing for Jesus.

But some people even went so far as to call me anti-American, which has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Actually, I take that back. Intelligent design is the stupidest thing I've ever heard,

but that one runs it pretty close.

No, I'm not anti-American. What I am is anti-stupidity, anti-ignorance and anti-bigotry,

and I suppose that could be construed as anti-American if you're a stupid ignorant bigot,

but I think most intelligent people would see it as very pro-American.

I do think it's a shame that America, like Britain, is governed by criminals,

but there's not much we can do about that, because we live in a democracy.

What are you going to do, vote? Yeah, right. Good luck with that.

No, I'm much more concerned about America's relationship with God, because that's not actually based on anything real,

whereas its consequences are extremely real for everybody on the planet, including me.

So excuse me if I'm a little picky about this, but I just don't think that anyone who's looking forward to the afterlife

is qualified to run any country. And right now in the United States of Jesus

it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for an atheist to be elected president.

The American people have made it clear they want a born again Christian president

even if it means putting a 10 gallon hat on a half pint head.

Because in the land of the free in the 21st century, if you don't believe that Jesus Christ rose from the dead

and physically ascended into Heaven, and that we're all going to join him there

just as soon as we can arrange the end of the world,

then, my friend, you are not fit for public office.

And this is why there's now daily Bible study in the White House and in the Pentagon

because they're all experts on their Bible in those two places.

They know all about who begat whom, and who smote whom, and who spake unto whom,

but they're not quite sure where Italy is.

But maybe I'm wrong to be concerned about all this, or about the fact that 45 percent of Republican voters

call themselves born again evangelical Christians, and they don't mean it as an insult.

Or that President Bush Senior says that he doesn't think atheists should even be considered citizens.

Or that so many people in the world's most advanced country don't want evolution taught in schools

because they believe the earth was formed 6000 years ago

shortly after the invention of the wheel.

It was a world where people and dinosaurs lived together, apparently, just like in the Flintstones.

And this is appropriate, because, to me, America is like a dinosaur,

a massive, powerful animal with a tiny brain.

My country, Britain, is like a much smaller animal, but with a brain that's just as tiny.

Those two things could rattle around together like two peas in a bucket and you couldn't tell them apart.

So if I'm anti-American, I'm also anti-British, because I'm anti-stupid.

And yes, that would include anyone who believes that America is one nation under God,

any more than it was before the Pledge of Allegiance was hijacked by Christian zealots.

Or that "In God we trust" is some kind of American national motto

any more than it was before the currency was hijacked by Christian zealots.

The truth is America is not a nation under God at all; it's a nation under a spell.

It's only a matter of time before these people start pushing for the cross to be shown on the American flag.

You think I'm joking, but you know I'm not.

Now, the real irony here of course is that if Jesus Christ was American president what a different world this would be.

But of course that's just an impossible dream, because there's no way Jesus would ever be elected president.

How many right wing Christians are going to vote for a liberal Jew?

You've got more chance of getting blood out of a Jehovah's Witness.

He's from the Middle East and he looks like a goddam hippie. The Fox network would crucify him,

if he hadn't already been arrested as a terrorist.

No, I think right now America is probably just a little too Christian for Jesus.

But I'm optimistic that this will change, because I love America and everything it stands for.

Well, everything it originally stood for before it was hijacked by Christian zealots.

And I know that if everybody on this planet followed the principles of the American constitution

this would be a much more civilised world than it is.

Right now, it's a world of chaos, choking under the poison cloud of religious dogma.

Wherever you look, from the Indian subcontinent to the Middle East to Africa

to the future Islamic republic of Europe, you know in your heart

that if America isn't going to lead us out of the dark ages, nobody is.

And that's why you won't find anybody on this planet who is more pro-American than I am.

Thank you very much, and peace, especially to Americans.