Zombies in Plain English

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Duration: 2 minutes and 59 seconds

Country: United States

Language: English

License: CC - Attribution Non-commercial No Derivatives

Genre: None

Producer: Common Craft, LLC

Director: Lee LeFever

Views: 2,536 (934 embedded)

Posted by: leelefever on Oct 26, 2008

Looking out for your brain this Halloween.

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These days you have to watch your back.
Danger may be lurking where you least expect it.
You may find a relative, friend or neighbor coming after one thing.
Your brain.
This Halloween is forecasted to be a high season for zombie attacks
and we're going to help you get through it brain in tact.
This is 'Zombies in Plain English'
The first step is identifying a zombie.
Let's take your uncle Dan.
Here's Dan as we all know him, a normal guy.
Now lets look at Dan as a zombie.
Notice the unnatural mouth position and dark eyes.
The shoulders will be off kilter, arms reaching, grabbing, legs limpy.
Skin pale, This is a Zombie.
Be careful this Halloween you may see people that resemble zombies.
Remember zombies don't eat candy, only brains.
You may also see them dancing with Michael Jackson.
These are actors, zombies don't dance.
When you encounter a real zombie it's time to have a plan.
Here's how to 'Survive an Attack'.
Your first reaction may be to retreat to a home or business.
This is only a short term solution because they will never stop. Ever.
Instead consider heading to a Costco.
Don't plan to wait out an attack without proper rations.
Now, keep your cool. Remember that zombies may move quickly in the early stages of infection.
Don't underestimate their speed.
Also consider a retreat to high altitudes.
Studies have shown that zombies react poorly to cold weather, causing them to become brittle and slow.
Lastly zombies can't swim so a retreat via boat could help,
and remember those rations.
If your not the retreating type, the obvious next move is counter attack.
This brings us to our last step: 'How to Kill the Undead'
The simple idea is kill the brain stop the zombie.
This is generally done through head trauma or decapitation.
But any method that removes the zombie brain's ability to direct the undead body will work.
As starting points we suggest large caliber bullets to the head or decapitation via machete, axe or chainsaw.
Now chainsaws are advanced tools that should be used carefully.
Napalm or grenades can also be effective, but be careful.
A flaming zombie can be even more dangerous than a normal one.
If your friend has a zombie bite, unfortunately there is only one outcome.
Infection is absolutely irreversible.
Don't bother with antiseptic or band-aids.
Your friend is not your friend anymore.
Face the inevitable and save your brain.
Kill them with dignity before they become undead too.
Remember be prepared.
Plan your route and rations, be on the lookout and when they....
Whoa! This just in! We've received a unconfirmed report that zombies have been sighted in southern British Colombia.
They maybe heading south. Repeat: Heading south.
Sachi?... what the...
Did you hear that...
Oh!... awwwaaa....
The question is, are you prepared?
Have a fun safe and zombie free Halloween, from your friends at Common Craft.

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