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Zombies in Plain English
Duration:
2 minutes and 59 seconds
Country:
United States
Language:
English
Genre:
None
Producer:
Common Craft, LLC
Director:
Lee LeFever
Views:
4,239
(1,855
embedded)
Posted by:
leelefever on Oct 26, 2008
Looking out for your brain this Halloween.
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Video Transcription
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- These days you have to watch your back.
- Danger may be lurking where you least expect it.
- You may find a relative, friend or neighbor coming after one thing.
- Your brain.
- This Halloween is forecasted to be a high season for zombie attacks
- and we're going to help you get through it brain in tact.
- This is 'Zombies in Plain English'
- The first step is identifying a zombie.
- Let's take your uncle Dan.
- Here's Dan as we all know him, a normal guy.
- Now lets look at Dan as a zombie.
- Notice the unnatural mouth position and dark eyes.
- The shoulders will be off kilter, arms reaching, grabbing, legs limpy.
- Skin pale, This is a Zombie.
- Be careful this Halloween you may see people that resemble zombies.
- Remember zombies don't eat candy, only brains.
- You may also see them dancing with Michael Jackson.
- These are actors, zombies don't dance.
- When you encounter a real zombie it's time to have a plan.
- Here's how to 'Survive an Attack'.
- Your first reaction may be to retreat to a home or business.
- This is only a short term solution because they will never stop. Ever.
- Instead consider heading to a Costco.
- Don't plan to wait out an attack without proper rations.
- Now, keep your cool. Remember that zombies may move quickly in the early stages of infection.
- Don't underestimate their speed.
- Also consider a retreat to high altitudes.
- Studies have shown that zombies react poorly to cold weather, causing them to become brittle and slow.
- Lastly zombies can't swim so a retreat via boat could help,
- and remember those rations.
- If your not the retreating type, the obvious next move is counter attack.
- This brings us to our last step: 'How to Kill the Undead'
- The simple idea is kill the brain stop the zombie.
- This is generally done through head trauma or decapitation.
- But any method that removes the zombie brain's ability to direct the undead body will work.
- As starting points we suggest large caliber bullets to the head or decapitation via machete, axe or chainsaw.
- Now chainsaws are advanced tools that should be used carefully.
- Napalm or grenades can also be effective, but be careful.
- A flaming zombie can be even more dangerous than a normal one.
- If your friend has a zombie bite, unfortunately there is only one outcome.
- Infection is absolutely irreversible.
- Don't bother with antiseptic or band-aids.
- Your friend is not your friend anymore.
- Face the inevitable and save your brain.
- Kill them with dignity before they become undead too.
- Remember be prepared.
- Plan your route and rations, be on the lookout and when they....
- Whoa! This just in! We've received a unconfirmed report that zombies have been sighted in southern British Colombia.
- They maybe heading south. Repeat: Heading south.
- Sachi?... what the...
- Did you hear that...
- Oh!... awwwaaa....
- The question is, are you prepared?
- Have a fun safe and zombie free Halloween, from your friends at Common Craft.


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