Real Death Note
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[Death Note: L's Theme plays] -Shut up! -[thinking]: I'm so bored. I just wish something supernatural would happen right now. What the hell? "If you write the full name of a person in this book, that person will die five seconds. The cause of death will always be suffocation"? Ha. Right. -(woman) Let go! Help! This man's trying to steal my purse. Let go! -[laughs evilly] The name's Cecil Adams, the most notorious handicapped bandit west of the Mississippi! -[thinking]: Huh. Let's see... "Cecil... Adams." -[laughing] [watch ticking] -[thinking]: Man, I knew it was fake. -[gasps] [choking] -[thinking]: No way! -[gagging] [flame whoosh] -[gasps] -(man 1) Did that guy just choke himself to death? -(man 2) Cool. Didn't think that was possible. -[thinking]: Sweet mother of God. -So, you write any person's name in that thing and they die? -Of suffocation. -Like, they suffocate themselves? -Yeah, in any way possible, I guess. -I thought it was impossible to suffocate yourself. -Yeah, why don't you prove it? Write my name in there. -Um... okay. All right, Peter, what's your last name? -Peter. -No, your last name. -Peter. -So, your full name is Peter Peter? -My parents are crack addicts. -(both) Ohh. -Okay... "Peter... Peter." Here we go. [watch ticking, suspenseful music playing] [wind whistles] -I knew you guys were full of sh-- [choking, Anthony gasps] -Oh, my God! -[restricted]: Make it stop. -[nervously]: Uh... I don't know if I can. -[gags gutterally] -Oh, my God, dude, you gotta get rid of that thing. -No. Don't you get it, Anthony? With this book, I can change the world. I can rid this world of all the filth! Serial killers... -[groans] -(Ian) Robbers... -[gasps, groans] -(Ian) Cast of the Jersey Shore... -[groaning] -(Ian) I am going to purify this world and nobody... is gonna get... in my way. I... am... Justice! [laughing maniacally] -Quiet down out here. I can't hear Wheel of Fortune over your stupid laugh. -You can't tell me what to do anymore, Mom. [chuckles devilishly] You're gonna die, Mom. [chuckles] [watch ticks] But that doesn't make any sense. I wrote your whole name on here. Look. -My name's not Mom, dumbass. -I've called you Mom all these years and I don't even know your real name? -And you never will. [laughs sinisterly] -Never mind that. [sinisterly]: I have work to do. [newscast theme plays] -According to sources, every criminal in the world is now dead. -Whoa. Congrats, man, that's great. -It's not enough. -But you killed every criminal in the entire world. -That guy's looking at me funny. -Looks pretty normal to me. -I don't like it. I don't like it one bit! [dramatic music playing] -[gags] -That's better. -Dude, he didn't even do anything. -Come on, he had a pedo-stache. I'm sure he's guilty of something. -You have to stop this, man. You can't play God anymore! "Write the name of a person who is dead, and they will be brought back to life"? -Oh, I see how it is. You think you decide who lives and dies? [laughing maniacally] [climatic music playing] -[gagging] -You'll never defeat me! -Yes... I... will! -Fine! [scribbles] [chuckles devilishly] -You son of a bitch. [scribbles] -[scoffs] What's that gonna do? -You'll see. -Wait. No! -The old switcheroo. [chuckles] -[groaning] -[laughing maniacally] [continues laughing] Captioned by SpongeSebastian -(announcer) To see bloopers and behind-the-scenes footage, click the link in the description below! -¿Qué? -(announcer) Thanks for subscribing! And if you aren't going to, could you give me your full name, please? [laughs creepily]
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